24409 Political Factoid

Political Factoid

Potential Replies to Hate Mail

How would you rank these potential replies to hate mail?" *

And yet, I did it anyway.

Thank you for making my point better than I ever could.

I'm not being political, I'm being human. You should try it sometime.

And just when I was starting to like you.

And just when I was starting to tolerate you.

Is that hypocrisy in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

There's already a line of people who want my head -- you need to go to the back and wait like everybody else.

Is that why you contacted me -- to shower me with compliments? **

So, we university folks "outwit you a second time. I burst my pimples at you and call your complaint a silly thing, you tiny-brained wiper of other people's bottoms!"***

Yours was the best complaint I almost cared about.

If I'm lucky, they WILL fire me -- then I won't have to listen to your crap.

No, I'm not being discriminatory -- I sent this same crap to everybody.

Instead of this, maybe you should work on trying to round up what little is left of your integrity.

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.****

I'm going to have to put you in time-out until you stop your tantrum.

I can see this is very important to you. And I still don't care.

Understanding that you're vulnerable, and because we want to be inclusive, we designated a special "safe space" for you. It's an echo chamber like fox news.

Put on your big kid pants and deal with it.

Is there an adult at home I could talk to?

[In response to "this is garbage"] Please recycle.

I didn't vote for you either.

Yes, please unsubscribe -- I don't want to waste ones and zeros on you.

Let's set up a Zoom session -- you can wear your white hood!

I'm sorry to see you go, but the truth is that I won't miss you.

My parents were disappointed too.

Oh you kidder, you! Thanks -- I needed a laugh.

Your words don't offend me, but your grammar, spelling, and randomly capitalized words are an affront to the English language.

That's good! Tighten up the wording a bit, fix the spelling, and you could get a gig writing for a yellow journalism propaganda mill!

So I guess asking for a program donation is out.

Please try again when you're more coherent.

Someone forgot to take their cranky pills this morning!

You're going to have to try harder -- it takes a lot more to offend me than it does to offend you.

It didn't take much for you to have a meltdown -- are you one of the "snowflakes" I keep hearing about?

I just made $20! My roommate bet me that I couldn't easily offend you.

I can recommend a therapist.

*

NOTES:

Additional potential replies to hate mail
could be included here, but try this list to start.

**	To "borrow" a line from Inspector Sledge Hammer!
***	To "borrow" a line from Monty Python and The Holy Grail
****	To "borrow" a line from the 1980s Pantene Commercial

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Collected by students of	Zo^o University
Last updated *	2022-08-20